For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
