i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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