Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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