Umm I'm too high to move.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
