this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
