My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
