Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize