he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
