You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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