Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
