pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
