I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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