I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
