Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
