Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Randomize
