She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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