I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
