she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
