It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
