i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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