ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
