So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Tell her she can't have a vagina
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
