I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
