Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
