I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
