Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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