sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
