I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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