he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
