But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
