Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
