what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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