I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
