I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
