You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
