I wish life had little blips of pornography
love makes seman taste better
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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