Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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