You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
