There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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