Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
