I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
