My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
