Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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