We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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