My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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