I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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