remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
