Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
