Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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