I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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