haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
