She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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