Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Randomize
